One of my guilty pleasures is
Jane Austen, and two of my favourite scenes from Jane Austen movies are when Edward
Ferrers (Hugh Grant) tells Elinor Dashwood (Emma Thompson) that he isn’t, after
all, married, and she makes that amazing “uhguffle”
sound, of relief.
My second favourite scene (any
version) is when George Knightly chastises (“badly done Emma, badly done”) Emma Woodhouse for snapping a witty
retort that ends up insulting and hurting a friend. George chastises Emma even
though she will take the criticism badly, he knows that she will get angry,
hate him for it, but he criticizes her none the less because he loves her
deeply, and knows she is better than that.
Now why am I bringing this to
your attention? Well, to give you a bit of background, as I’ve mentioned before
probably 90% of my closest friends are female, I have many of them, and they tend
to be of a type: outspoken, witty, very clever, vivacious, go-getters. Most are
outwardly seem super-confident (although often vulnerable beneath), and
although a couple are shy, most like to be center of attention. They are often
very willful. I love them all dearly. But sometimes being outspoken they go
across the line. One of my friends behaved recently in a way that could have
consequences, and would likely end up hurting people. She didn’t really mean
to, but that’s the way she is, sometimes there’s collateral damage. And so I
went all Mr Knightley and told her “badly
done … badly done”. But it was because I cared. This made me start thinking
about the all times when I should have called friends on what they were doing,
when I should have spoken up, but I didn’t. Sometimes I thought I should just
let things slide, sometimes I was worried about offending, or starting an
argument. Well if a friend doesn’t appreciate when you are trying to help them,
or to get them to see another point of view, even if they don’t like what they
hear, well they aren’t really that good a friend after all.
Albus
Dumbledore wisely said "There are
all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our
enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." If you can’t
stand up to a friend when they are doing something that will reflect badly on
them, or when they are doing something that could hurt others when they don’t
mean to, well what kind of friend are you anyway. I’ve really appreciated it
when friends have called me on some of the things I’ve done, even though it
might have pissed me off at the time, it increased my respect for them. Boy, do
I need reining in on my behavior at times! So if you’re a friend of mine and I
see you doing something that might hurt you, or hurt others, don’t make me get
all Mr Knightly on your ass !
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